From the Front Lines

I write this post from the cockpit of my Volvo which takes me around the country so often to see cigar shops. I've bonded with this car. I have many great memories in this car. It was our "family car" before we had a family car, taking our youngest son home from the hospital when he was born.

I have coffee and a cigar. My mind therefore can function.

I am, admittedly, a little scattered right now. My wife's brave, unexpected fight with cancer has taken her today to the operating room where she will undergo a massive procedure to remove her breast tumor, which she has named "Claude", and hopefully allow her to move on with her continuing happy, healthy life.

Every single thing in the universe points to the fact that everything is going to be okay. However, I could not shake the emotions when I kissed her on the forehead before the doctors rolled her into anesthesia about an hour ago.

I'm learning very quickly that you never know someone's true value until you look losing them square in the face. Oh, that is not something that is ever been discussed or even on the table with her illness. However the mind does wander, especially when you're a control freak like myself.

I am utterly helpless in the face of Life, death, and the grace of God.

The fact of the matter is, as we talk about living non-disposable, the most valuable things in our lives are the people with whom we surround ourselves. The ideas of sickness and pain strip us of our false impressions of self, and only expose our innate human selfishness.

Watching my wife bravely fight inspires me to live for that which is important. The day-to-day living with those whom we love, I believe, should drive us, no, propel us to be greater, to be smarter, and to be non-disposable ourselves. 

Each and every single waking moment.

This journey is an unexpected one. It is the unexpected which changes us the most.